Sometimes life gets hard and you start to look towards the past. You reminisce about how things used to be and wouldn't mind repeating the mess you were in because it gave you feeling. What is it about the emotional Rollercoaster that we tend to draw towards? Why do we feel things were a lot simpler or easier to handle in the past than the present? I get in these emotional pitfalls monthly. The hormones must be hella strong because it's as if my mood changes without telling me and now I'm just sad for no reason. Rethinking everything in my life. Over analyzing everyone else's interaction with me.
When I step outside of the four walks of my room I'm in "public". As an artist this is something I'm extremely aware of and try to make provisions for in my everyday endeavors.
I had two recent conversations with two of my close friends and they both were about being in pivotal moments in their lives. One person was saying their life was in shambles* while the other was questioning their level of commitment within a relationship. With both and as I'm learning with myself it's about a recommitment to oneself. Taking time to validate what you feel by talking it through. Relieving the pressure for perfection and giving space for vulnerability, instead of focusing on the time that was lost in the past. The past doesn't owe you anything and neither does the present or future. What I do believe is that you should show up for each moment with respect to your past. That's all you can control, the moment at hand and live up to it.
There are plenty of times I've set goals for myself by said date or age and neither has come to pass. Does that make me anymore less of a person, artist, friend? No. Instead what I choose to look at is my track record in units of growth. That's where I find my success. Knowing that each year is better than the last. Something I adopted in college I've started to practice again in my mid 20s and on. Giving a theme, focus for each year.
Themes such as:
Art of Pacing and Craftsmanship
Eye Contact and Boundaries
When I'm in agreement with myself about what I need to focus on based on the past year's experiences, it takes my mind off of I didn't accomplish "this" by this year. Rather it refocuses me to master skills that relate to the particular theme I'm on that year. For LIFE I have certain life skills that stay on top of in order to function each day as a healthy Tiffany.
As an artist knowing that when I step outside of the four walls of my room my privacy is waived. I know I can no longer separate my work from my music career, everything is starting to intertwine. I'm being pulled in many different directions. How does one stay full, upbeat and vibrant? What makes you full? Especially when you've hit a brick wall for the day and you're filled with anxiety and extra emotions. These are the questions I ask myself and I make sure... now within 5 to 30mins I have answers for myself. I've been practicing this very heavily in the last 6 months. Especially going into and coming out of my surgery* from the last 5 months. Managing your mental is extremely important and unless you're actively in therapy you've really gotta put the work in yourself to stay on top of things. I do plan on going to therapy again. It was eye opening and very insightful. I know I'm not the same person I was when I went in 2015 and would love to see how I've grown and pinpoint things I need to currently work on from an outside perspective.
*shambles - refer to E54: A Letter To You (My) Friend - on my podcast 10mins with Tiffany Jaye. It goes into detail about what to do on days when you feel all is lost (midlife crisis).
Who Am I? Tiffany Jaye - Singer / Songwriter / Dancer / Artist Follow me on Social Media @tjayetaylor Check out my PODCAST - 10mins with Tiffany Jaye Subscribe to receive automatic blog updates (1 to 3min max) of positive pump-me-ups. Become a member via your email or thru FB or Google and get access to Private Access and listen to cool unreleased work (music demos).
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