Updated: Jan 5
Singlehood is often defined as the state of being unmarried. However, since it is common for people to be in a romantic partnership yet not married, this term also applies to the condition of having no romantic partner at all. There may be assumptions out there that to be single means to be unhappy.
Based on this definition I am speaking from being unmarried and at times with or without a romantic partner. As a private person I do choose to keep certain things personal. So specific details of whether or not I'm involved, are not what this post is about but more so how I handle my singleness.
Being single is a lifestyle as well as a state of mind. I find honor in my singleness because I truly see value in it. Being preoccupied with relationship goals takes ones focus off of becoming the best version you can actually offer for a relationship. It makes no sense for me to be head over heels for someone when I don't have certain things in order myself. I'm also highly focused on my career within the music industry and in retail with custom framing. These two will be the building blocks to my brand and my financial foundation which I feel must be in place first before pursuing the idea of becoming serious with someone.
Flags on the play:
Throughout my teens, young adulthood and now well into grown folks business, I have occasionally made "Man of My Dreams Lists". I tweak them but a majority of the time they basically stayed the same. Now my list wasn't superficial like he had to be a certain height or bracket income but it was more based on character. Oddly enough I made these lists but didn't even hold guys up to the same criteria, tsk. I allowed all sorts of behaviors, second changes and continuously found myself getting the short end of the stick and was clueless as to why.
Prior to 2015 I was heavily concerned about being in a relationship and all it had to offer. I was 29 at the time and ready to embark on my 30s with a fresh badge of man around my belt. Not realizing I was nowhere near "all of the the woman" I needed to be, 1st and foremost for myself.
2014 - 2015 (I will share more in a book I'll publish in the future) I became depressed and sought after therapy/counseling to uproot why I was having dead end relationships circling around the same patterns. 6 months we unlocked family details that cause a lot of pain and rejection which eventually let to an epiphany and an emotional upswing. Not saying I'm completely cured but it was enough to end my 8 month depression and move in a positive direction. I am looking forward to getting some more therapy in the future to further cultivate my personal growth.
My response to this question is how I feel today in 2020.
Ladies, when you first meet a guy and you decide you kinda like him, do you intentionally give him a hard time once or twice if so why?
No, for me no need. I'll just watch and observe. Certain behaviors are a dead giveaway/flag on the play. Its up to me to maintain my boundaries based on what I know I want for myself. My Responsibility. I've failed numerous times to tell a guy, thanks but no thanks. This isn't going to work. Why? Because I was hung up on fairytale, a lie I kept selling myself instead of basing things on reality. All superficial stuff is cool, only when your foundation is on point personally and decided as a collective when you and said partner come together.
Learning to correctly audit Men.
Being female or for a better phrase a Woman... it is my (our) job to correctly assess behavior that is equivalent to that of a Man. Too many times we enable behaviors that eventually will come back to harm us in the long run. I'm currently reading Male vs Man by Dondré Whitfield and also doing other homework/research (watching Black Love on YouTube) to better myself 1st so that I can be of better service to others around me. In assessing or auditing certain behaviors and calling them out for what they are I can better educate/guide/counsel my fellow sisters in time of need. It is an honor to grow and evolve. I look forward to the trials and tribulations that come my way for I know its an opportunity for me to grow. Separating immature vs mature knowing the difference between honest dialogue and effective communication vs aimless arguing based on pointing fingers and proving points.
Overall singleness is something I feel I have stewardship over and even thought I relish on the idea of ultimate companionship in the form of marriage and a family I know my time will come and I'm perfectly fine with waiting my turn. Managing a household and other responsibilities can take a back seat to me just being me for now.
Now perhaps my next topic will be on getting to know someone... oooh lol.
Who Am I? Tiffany Jaye - Singer / Songwriter / Dancer / Artist
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