Updated: May 13
Woke up at 9am today excited for what the day holds. I feel good about being needed (at my job). Looking forward to diving deeper into myself to find out what makes me tick, my triggers and what I need to do to pour back into myself to make me whole again.
Listened to my Ryan Leslie last night - Black Mozart, 2013; reminded me of a transitional point in my life when I was in between jobs.
The following is an excerpt from the introduction of my upcoming book I will be releasing soon:
Another eye opening experience was in my early adult years. I had already graduated college, worked about 3 jobs where one of them was cleaning two medical facilities in the Ballantyne area. It's rough because you are going behind others and cleaning up what they missed, left behind, or were too lazy to throw away themselves. This included mopping, vacuuming, dusting in detailed areas, cleaning toilets and my favorite taking out the piles of trash. Now it's just me 5ft Tiffany on a perfect night taking 1.5 - 2hrs per building.
Now it doesn't matter what goes on during my day, my responsibility is to make sure those buildings get cleaned before the next operating business day. So on one particular day I was invited to sing at Vapianos for a church friend's bday party. I was dressed as if was going down the red carpet myself. At this particular point in my life I had learned how to wow the audience, I had stage presence and mostly important I had my personality! My dress was stunning, black with a zebra print stripe down the center hugging every curve of my body. It was a perfect moment filled with smiles, laughter, excellent job and thank yous.
But my night wasn't over. I went home shed one costume and dressed up in another a little less fancy. My t shirt and sweats to go clean. No acknowledgements here as I'm dragging the trash out to my car. I'm invisible. My magnificent performance can't save me here. But I have a job to do because I need to eat and pay bills.
That night I cried while staring in the toilet cleaning the swirls of someone who could "afford to be noticed!"
I feel like in life... it just takes time. Time to mature, time to get over yourself. Time to stop procrastinating. Time to accept who you are and truly believe in that and run with it. A few things for me needed to become 2nd nature, like a few habits and behavioral changes that took a few years to master. In addition there were some choices that I kept making, a mindset that led to disaster. I just couldn't fathom that it was ME that needed to change and establish more boundaries. I stand here today truly believing that I am ready to start investing in who I am as an individual. Investing in my spirit. Keeping people, thoughts and ideas that put me down making me feel less than at a distance.
Everyone's process is different
And even if you are close to me you are not privy to every single moment of my life. The life I've experienced is unique and I won't allow myself to come 2nd anymore.
I've understood the true power of forgiveness and how it can heal. It allows a freedom like none other; once you grasp that concept you can begin to love, 1st yourself then others.
Today has been great and I hope I can come to you all and express my thoughts in this manner. It's so refreshing and it's just about making the time to do so.
Now you've had a chance to read an excerpt of my book that I want to release soon. The book will have a variety of personal accounts that have occurred over the years. It's a mixture of a memoir, autobiography, self help and fantasy. Part II of my book will showcase numerous dreams that I've had recorded. // Now the dreams have a specific place in my heart as I hope someone like Jordan Peele or Issa Rae pick them up and turn them into a full film. That would be amazing. But one thing at a time.
FB Question of the day:
I hope to meet Ryan Leslie one day and have him produce something for me.
Who Am I? Tiffany Jaye - Singer / Songwriter / Dancer / Artist
Follow me on Social Media @tjayetaylor
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